No words -

I can’t really put into words what I am feeling right, but I figured I should try to capture even the slightest drop of my reality given I will never be on the verge of being a mother for the first time again. For the sake of getting it out – here is what I am going through:

The end of a long period of intense feelings of fear and the beginning of a calmness I’ve never known before – one that is ready for anything. Non-stop emerging tears of happiness. Endless daydreaming and questions. The deepest appreciation for Jason and the husband he is/father I have no doubt he will be. A new perspective on Adam – our family of three is all ready for number four. A sense that decisions are going to be made quite differently based on our number one priority. Insane excitement for learning her personality. Endless questions about what she will look like – will she have black hair? Long lashes? A norman on her ear? A shift in my life goals and outlook. Nervousness for what I cannot control. Acceptance for what I cannot control. Sadness that my family is far. Determination that baby will know everyone in Ohio and on the east just as well as loved ones in Chicago. Questions about who the nanny will be/will he or she be good enough? Curiosity about how exhausted I will be. Shock that this is really happening. An understanding that this is quite the miracle and I am so blessed that I am living it.

I didn’t even scratch the surface.